The Exorcist
by fuzzyblue
Summary: Steve from Blue's Clues was killed off in an earlier sillific, now his ghost is haunting the mansion. Main char's are Hank, Logan, Kurt and Bobby so far. Rated for some language. CHAPTER 3 added!
1. Default Chapter

NOTE TO READERS: If you are of a rigid religous mindset, and cannot handle any humourous situations involving Catholic religion, then DON'T read this fic as it does contain some jokes about Holy Water. I myself am Roman Catholic, and don't have a problem with it, but if you think you will be offended in any way, then don't read it and certainly don't flame me about it as I HAVE WARNED YOU.  
  
SUMMARY: This is yet another continuation of my Blue's Clues/X-Men series, which are read in this order:  
  
1. The X-Men get the Blues  
2. The X-Men get the Blues (The Sequel)  
3. Bob, the Newest X-Man  
4. The Exorcist  
  
It's not completely necessary to read the first three stories before attempting this one. However, there are occassional references contained within that you probably won't understand unless you've read the previous ones. But hey, it's entirely up to if you want to read them all or not. (But you would certainly make fuzzyblue's day if you did!)  
  
Steve from the Blue's Clues show was killed off in the very first story, and now his ghost has come back to haunt the mansion and the X-Men want to get rid of him.   
  
DISCLAIMER: Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! I have kidnapped ALL your X-Men! What're you gonna do about it, Marvel? Bwahahahahahahaha..oh...er...you've hired a team of lawyers? Best in the country? Um...okay...I'll make sure to put all the little X-guys back when I'm finished with them, okay? Whew.   
  
  
  
  
THE EXORCIST  
  
  
  
"Hey Blue!"  
  
Hank's eyes shot open.   
  
"Hey Blue!! What game are we going to play today?"  
  
Hank rolled over and tried to bury his head under the pillow. "Not again," he groaned. It was the third time this week that Steve had woken him in the middle of the night, trying to make him play a game of Blue's Clues. Didn't he realize that Hank was tired from spending a whole week in a tree doing reconnaisance and desperately needed his sleep?   
  
"Hey Blue!! What's your favorite game in the whole wide world?!"  
  
"GO AWAY!!!" Hank shrieked, flipping over and whipping the pillow at the annoying little man. But, since Steve was in fact a ghost, the pillow flew right through him and knocked over the lamp on the desk. It shattered on the floor.  
  
"DAMMIT!!!"   
  
"Blue!!" cried Steve, horrified. "Watch your language!! There are little kids listening!"  
  
Hank could feel tears of frustration stinging the corners of his eyes. "For the VERY last time, you clueless, pitiful excuse for a moron, I AM NOT BLUE!!! I may very well be that colour, and yes, I am rather furry, but I am NOT your dog! Now please take your personage elsewhere and LEAVE ME IN PEACE!!!"  
  
Steve turned and started talking to the imaginary children. "Woah, kids! I think Blue is feeling a little...what? Yes! That's it! Frustrated! And what do we do when we feel frustrated?"  
  
Steve paused while he waited for the children to answer him.  
  
"Yes! We stop, take a deep breath, and think!" He turned back to Hank. "Okay Blue, now take a deep breath..."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Steve looked puzzled. "No, that wasn't quite right. Try it again, Blue!"  
  
Hank spent the remainder of the night sobbing into his pillow while Steve danced and sang the "we are gonna play Blue's Clues" song over and over and over again.  
  
* * *  
  
"Why can you not have coffee in the morning like normal people?" Storm asked Logan with disdain.  
  
Logan took a big gulp of his beer. "Cause that would ruin my reputation, darlin'."  
  
They were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. Jean, Rogue and Remy were also seated and eating breakfast. Scott was still at Nickelodean Studios, hosting the Blue's Clues show. Jubilee was sleeping in, and Bobby was eating his Sugar Bombs in the rec room in front of the TV.   
  
Hank stormed into the kitchen. He scanned the room with bloodshot eyes nearly buried by the huge, black bags underneath them. He spotted Logan.  
  
"What the hell happened to..." Logan began, but before he could finish, Hank had bounded across the room and grabbed him up and out of his seat by his shirt collar.   
  
:WHY YOU...!!!" roared the Canuck, but Hank's reflexes proved to be faster than his. In an instant, he had one of Logan's arms pinned down with his foot, and had grabbed the other with his free hand and aimed the knuckles right at Logan's crotch.  
  
"Go ahead," Hank crooned. "Unsheath those adamantium appendages, my dearest Canadian companion."  
  
The others gasped, too shocked to speak.  
  
Logan thought better of it and instead glared at the hulking mutant. "You better not let go, Furball," he seethed, "cause when ya do, ya ain't gonna live long enough to regret it."  
  
"Tut, tut. A paltry threat compared to the one I am about to bestow upon you."  
  
Logan raised an eyebrow.  
  
"For the last three nights now, I have been haunted - yes, haunted - by the infinitely annoying ghost of Steve, and I am holding YOU Logan, as the one responsible for that situation AND my current state of sleep deprivation and near-insanity. For you see, Logan, YOU are the one who decided to skewer the man in the first place, thereby rendering his ghost free to walk the mansion night after excruciatingly tortuous night. Therefore, YOU are the one who is going to get rid of him. I do not know how you will do it, nor do I particularly care, but you WILL do it. Or else."  
  
"Or else what?" Logan sneered.  
  
"I will take it upon myself to determine just how many pieces your beloved Harley can be dismantled into."  
  
More gasps of shocked surprise.  
  
"You wouldn't dare."  
  
"Oh yes, I would."  
  
Logan could see by the manic look in Hank's eyes that the furry mutant was in fact serious. And even if he did kill Hank for wrecking his bike, he would still have to put it back together again. He had no choice.   
  
"Alright, Blue."  
  
A dangerously red sheen passed momentarily over Hank's normally blue eyes. "Do. Not. Call. Me. That," he warned, searing venom bubbling underneath every carefully pronounced word.  
  
Logan blinked in surprise. In all the years he had known Hank, he had never, ever seen the man in this state, not even during that one week in which Bobby managed to blow up his lab four days in a row. Maybe he had better do something about it, after all.  
  
"Alright, Hank."  
  
Hank dropped him and bounded out of the room.  
  
* * *  
  
Oh my! What is Logan going to do? Will Hank ever get any rest? Will they ever evict Steve from the mansion? Send in your reviews if you wanna find out! Thanks! 


	2. 2

* * *  
  
Logan was later pacing up and down the hallway, occassionally popping his claws in and out in extreme agitation. Just how in the world was he going to get rid of a ghost? Especially such a clueless one as Steve?   
  
Suddenly, the answer came to him. He ran over to the phone and dialed.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Kurt."  
  
"Oh! Greetings, Logan. It has been a long time since..."  
  
"Yer a priest, ain't ya?"  
  
Pause. "Er..yes. I became a man of the cloth so that I could live a life of peace und..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. That means you can do exorcisms, right?"  
  
No response.  
  
"Well, can't ya?!"  
  
"This is a joke, yes?"  
  
"Do I sound like I'm laughin', Elf?"  
  
"Er...no."  
  
"Now can ya do an exorcism or not?!!"  
  
"I can try..."  
  
"Great! Pack yer bag and I'll pick ya up in the Blackbird."  
  
"But Logan, I...."  
  
"Bye Kurt!"  
  
"But...!!!"  
  
Click.  
  
* * *  
  
LATER THAT DAY...  
  
Logan had taken off out of the mansion after bringing Kurt there. As Kurt wandered around the empty building, he came to the sad conclusion that everyone else had left as well. Then he found Bobby.  
  
"They left YOU here to be my assisstant?!" Kurt asked with a hint of fear in his voice.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"This is obviously a divine test of my vill and patience. I pray that I vill prevail."  
  
"You don't have to be so melodramatic," Bobby replied, sounding hurt.  
  
"Let us prepare, then."  
  
  
LATER...  
  
"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Fuzzy?"  
  
"Yes. I saw the Exorcist - twice."  
  
"Hey! That sounded like something I would say!"  
  
"Perish the thought," Kurt muttered under his breath.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said, please bring me some tap vater, Bobby."  
  
"Tap water? But I thought the Exorcist used Holy Water."  
  
Sigh. "Once I bless it, it vill be holy."  
  
"Oh."   
  
Bobby went over to the kitchen sink and turned the tap. Nothing came out.  
  
"Oops...I forgot."  
  
"Forgot vat?"  
  
"The water's been turned off until the plumbing gets fixed."  
  
"Und how long vill this take?"  
  
"Well, Jubes was doing laundry and got really mad when the washing machine tore up her favorite shirt, so she blew it up. She took a good number of pipes with it, too."  
  
"I see. Do you have any bottled vater, then?"  
  
"Er...yes and no," Bobby replied sheepishly.  
  
"Yes and no? Vat does that mean?"  
  
"Well...you see...we DID have bottled water....but I froze it as a joke and, well, it hasn't defrosted yet...heh heh."  
  
Big sigh. "Alright, then. Is there any in the fridge?"  
  
Bobby looked in the fridge. "Um, no...but there IS some mango juice!"  
  
Big, long sigh. "Hand it over."  
  
  
LATER...  
  
"Und vith this Holy Water, I vill banish the evil spirit that...."  
  
Bobby nudged Kurt.  
  
"Vat?!"  
  
"Mango juice," he whispered.  
  
Big, long, exasperated sigh. "Fine. Und vith this Holy Mango Juice, " he shot Bobby a dirty look, "I vill banish the evil spirit that dwells vithin this mansion. Go now! Begone!"  
  
Kurt sprinkled the juice around the living room.  
  
"Jean's gonna throw a fit when she sees those stains on the carpet."  
  
"YOU'RE the one who suggested that ve use the juice!" Kurt replied, exasperated. He set the juice container on the coffee table.  
  
Just then, Steve walked in.  
  
"Cool! Mango juice! I'm thirsty!" he exclaimed, and tried to drink out of the pitcher. But since he was a ghost, it poured right through him and splashed allover the floor.  
  
"Oops! Here, let me clean that up!" Steve said. Then he pulled a green striped handkerchief out of his pocket and attempted to sop up the mess.  
  
"Mein Gott! There really IS a ghost!!!"   
  
"Yep! And we can blame the juice stains on him!" Bobby added happily.  
  
"Hey!!" Steve cried out excitedly. "This juice stain is in the shape of a pawprint! It must be a clue! What do we do when we find a clue?"  
  
He paused to listen to the imaginary kids.  
  
"Right! We write the clue down in our notebook!"  
  
Steve checked his pockets. "Hmmm...I don't have our notebook! It must be in Sidetable Drawer! Let's go see!"  
  
He happily trotted over to a very normal, not-out-of-the-ordinary piece of Prof X's furniture.  
  
"Hey, Sidetable! Can we have our notebook?"  
  
The very normal sidetable didn't respond.   
  
"Er...pretty please?"  
  
Still no response.  
  
"Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?!"  
  
Kurt and Bobby stared in disbelief while Steve continued to accost the defenseless piece of furniture.  
  
"Just great. My very first exorcism und I ended up vith an insane spirit."  
  
Bobby shrugged his shoulders. "It could be worse."  
  
"How?!!"  
  
"Well..." Bobby began, then stopped. "Er...I'll get back to you on that one."  
  
Steve gave up on the sidetable and addressed the two X-persons.  
  
"Hello! I'm Steve! Do either of you have a notebook I can borrow? I think Sidetable Drawer is mad at me."  
  
Blink. Blink. Blink.   
  
"Er...don't you know you're a ghost?" Bobby asked.  
  
"Oh no, I'm not a ghost. I'm Steve!" he replied cheerily.  
  
"Er...no, you're definately a ghost."  
  
"No, I'm definately Steve."  
  
"Logan killed you! You are a ghost!!!"  
  
"I don't understand..."  
  
"LOOK!" Bobby cried exasperatedly and swept a hand through the phantom figure.  
  
Steve looked down, blinked, then looked at Bobby again. "Cool! How did you do that? Are you a ghost?!" he asked excitedly.  
  
"ARRRGGGHHH!"  
  
"Why do you people always do that when I'm around?"  
  
"Do vhat, mein fruend?"  
  
"Scream in frustration. Do you know what to do when you're frustrated?"  
  
He turned to listen to the imaginary kids again.  
  
"Er...und just who are you speaking vith?"  
  
"Oh! These are my friends!" Steve replied, indicating thin air.  
  
"Ah...yes. Alright. Now, about zis ghost thing..."  
  
"Take a deep breath!"  
  
".....? I beg your pardon?" Kurt asked, confused.  
  
"When you're frustrated, you need to take a deep breath, calm down, and think!"  
  
"But I am not frustrated!"  
  
"You will be," Bobby muttered.  
  
"Steve, mein fruend, you are a lost spirit who must be shown the way..."  
  
"Yes! I AM lost!" Steve cried, ecstatic that someone had finally acknowledged his plight. "I keep trying to skeedoo home, but everytime I try, I just pass through the picture! Can one of you lend me some change for the bus?"  
  
Kurt and Bobby looked at each other.  
  
"I do not think he understands," Kurt commented.  
  
"Oh, really?" Bobby replied sarcastically.  
  
They spent another twenty minutes trying to explain to Steve that he had in fact been killed and was now a ghost. By the end of those twenty minutes, Bobby has developed a nervous eye-twitch and Kurt was ready to start plucking out his fur.  
  
"You. Are. Dead. Logan. Stabbed. You. You. Are. A. Ghost." said Bobby, very very slowly and carefully so as not to confuse the striped character any further.  
  
"I'm a ghost?" Steve asked. Something flickered in the man's eyes. Maybe he finally comprehended the situation. Bobby crossed his fingers and hoped that was the case.  
  
Pause. Pause. Pause. "COOL!!!" cried Steve, He started walking in and out of the wall. "Now you see me, now you don't! Now you see me, now you don't!"  
  
Bobby yawned. "Yeah, yeah, it's been done before," he said.  
  
"He hasn't met Kitty yet, has he?" Kurt asked Bobby.  
  
"Obviously not."  
  
  
* * *  
  
Okay, I think I'll leave it here (just because I have no idea what to write). I apologize for Kurt's accent (and the spelling) and honestly, I am NOT trying to make fun of the German language or German accents. In fact, if I've spelled the words incorrectly (and I know I have), or overzealously used too many 'z' s, LET ME KNOW and I'll correct it! I've never actually read a comic book with Nightcrawler in it. All my knowledge of him spans from the one X-Men cartoon episode that he was in. Anyways, also let me know if you want to keep this up! Thanks! (and thanks to those who have reviewed thus far!) 


	3. 3

* * *  
  
MEANWHILE:  
  
Kitty Pride bounded in through the door of the mansion.   
  
"This is going to be so great! They'll be so happy to see me!" she said happily to herself as she ran around the mansion, looking for everyone. After a while, she stopped.  
  
"Just where the hell IS everybody???" she wondered out loud, quite miffed at having gone through all the effort of making a surprise visit to the mansion only to discover that nobody was home.   
  
Finally she headed to the rec room and poked her head through the door.  
  
"Kurt! Bobby!" she squealed when she saw the two X-Men. Then she saw Steve.  
  
"Who the heck are you?"  
  
"I'm Steve!" he replied cheerily. "Hey! You can walk through walls too! Are you a ghost like me?"  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"Hey Kids!" said Steve, addressing the imaginary audience yet again. "Let's make a new friend! What do we do when we want to make a new friend?"  
  
"Uh...Bobby, since when did you guys start adding mental cases to the team?"  
  
"He's not exactly a member...in fact, we're really trying to get rid of him."  
  
"Why don't you just tell him to get lost?"  
  
"I only vish it vere that easy, Katzchen..."  
  
"Yes! We can give our new friend a hug!" Steve turned to Kitty, his arms outstretched. "Come here and give me a big hug, friend!" he cried, and started coming toward her.  
  
Kitty's eyes widened with panic. "Eeeeww! Stay away from me, you pervert!"  
  
"It's physically impossible for him to actually TOUCH you, Kitty!" Bobby commented, referring to her phasing abilities and the fact that Steve was a ghost.  
  
"That's beside the point!" Kitty retorted, then disappeared as a hug-happy Steve ran through the door after her.  
  
"This isn't going to end well, is it?" Bobby asked Kurt.  
  
"I don't think so, mein freund."  
  
* * *  
  
Hank, in the meantime, was busily racking up some well-deserved 'z's in the tree fort he had built in the previous story.   
  
"Hey Hank!"  
  
The furry mutant's eyes shot open and darted around furtively, expecting to see Steve hovering over him. He sighed exasperatedly when he saw that it was only Bobby.   
  
"I do not think that you are in fact aware of the dangers of rousing a slumbering Beast, Robert," said Hank, sounding quite perturbed.  
  
"But Hank! We need your help!"  
  
"'We'? And just who might 'we' be?"  
  
"Me and Kurt!"  
  
"Kurt? What is my fellow furry companion doing here at the mansion?"  
  
"Logan hauled him in so he could exorcise Steve!"  
  
"Logan got Kurt to perform an exorcism? Did Steve go away?" Hank asked hopefully.  
  
"Er...not yet."  
  
Hank's face fell. "In that case, please excuse me." And he got up and started climbing down from his tree fort.  
  
"Huh? Where are you going?" Bobby called after him.   
  
"To the garage, my fine, frosty friend."  
  
"The garage? But what about Steve???"  
  
"That is not my problem. I have more important matters to attend to," Hank replied darkly.  
  
"Just great. Now what am I gonna do?" Bobby muttered darkly to himself. Then he got an idea. He created an ice-slide and quickly went back to the mansion.  
  
* * *  
  
Logan returned to the mansion just to check up on things, and found Kurt in the rec room, trying to get juice stains out of the carpet.  
  
"How'd it go, Elf?"  
  
"Not to vell, I'm afraid."  
  
"What? He's not gone yet?"  
  
"Not quite."  
  
"Why the hell not?!"  
  
"There vere some complications....."  
  
Just then, Kitty ran into the room through the far wall.  
  
"KURT!!! LOGAN!!! GET THIS CREEP AWAY FROM MEEEE!!!" she shouted angrily as she ran across the rec room and disappeared through the opposite wall.  
  
Steve came through the wall next. "Wait!!" he called after Kitty. "I just want to be your friend! We can swap ghost stories and walk in and out of the walls together and..." and he disappeared through the opposite wall as well.  
  
THUD!!! "OW!"  
  
"What the hell was that?" asked Logan.  
  
The door opened and Bobby ran in, rubbing his forehead and brandishing a dust buster.  
  
"It worked in Ghost busters!" Bobby explained, noticing the puzzled looks on their faces. He made sure to open the door this time as he exited the rec room, still chasing after Steve and Kitty.   
  
"See vat I mean?"   
  
"Jesus Christ!"  
  
"Please do not use our saviour's name in vain, Logan."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now what the fuck are we gonna do about the little geek? Blue's gonna tear my bike apart if we don't get rid o' him!"  
  
"Perhaps I have an idea. Just let me consult the phone book."  
  
"Knock yerself out, Elf."  
  
* * *  
  
Who's he gonna call? Ghostbusters? Maybe. Sorry, but you're gonna have to wait to find out. Thanks goes out to ice princess deluxe for sending me a bunch of ideas for the story. (Kitty's arrival and Bobby's dust-buster were both her ideas!) And thanks to Beastess for giving suggestions about Kurt's accent. I'll just stick with the 'v's from now on! And thanks to those who have reviewed! 


End file.
